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Hello darkness, my old friend.

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I thought [29 May 2012|09:02pm]

It would be appropriate to write in my livejournal tonight. I've been in total disbelief since hearing of the passing of Doug Luke. Livejournal reminds me of my first years living in Buffalo. My friends and I used LJ to communicate, to snoop, to be curious, and to get things off our chests... It was a precursor to Facebook, but almost better than Facebook, which I find to be over-saturated.

Anyhow, I met Doug when he was baby-faced and singing for Corpus Dei. He was one of those dudes who genuinely seemed to respect women, and well, people in general. Doug's LJ was one of those handful of people I actually looked forward to reading... Back in the day, the two went hand in hand.

I want to add that yes, he may have been flawed, but we all are to some degree. If someone can use him as an example to help better themselves, then let that be part of Doug's legacy. Do not let someone else's thoughts spoil your process to grieve.

Doug, you always made me smile, and it was a great pleasure to have known you. I am still waiting to hear this is one macabre joke, but I have a feeling it's not... Til next time Doug.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

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[27 May 2009|10:42am]
Yeah. So, my birthday is in 1 week. I will technically be in my mid-30's. Not the 35 mark. But, 34 is close enough. I think I am finally at the crossroads. Decisions need to be made, and likely, it will be me to decide, and to move on. Well, with husband in hand that is.

I'm getting to that point in my life where I am actually comfortable with getting older, and am finding some sort of solace from it. I had spent so much time fighting the inevitable, and now see how ludicrous it all is. Now, I need to stop feeling dread, and do whatever it is in my power to make myself happy. Not that I am unhappy. I am in the healthiest relationship I have ever been in, and would truly dissolve into nothing if I didn't have him in my life. 6 years married June 14th (flag day!) and 8 years together total (started dating June 14th 2001!) I am truly blessed to have him. He has helped me break out of my shell. It is a nice feeling to have someone in your life who has faith in you and believes you are a talented and intelligent person. Often, more than I believe in myself.

Now I need to get myself to believe in it 100%. Having an ego isn't necessarily a bad thing, right? Maybe I need to read up on my Freud :P Somehow I will grow into something more.

I am starting to really enjoy gardening, and at one point in my life I would have thought how sad to enjoy staring and talking to a plant. Maybe I have been watching the Buddhist monk next door for too long. But, I think playing in dirt and watching a plant blossom or just stay a live because of my actions has brought to my attention what power I do have over life in general. Including my own. Maybe I need to write some metaphors and analogies to my life and gardening. Maybe it will help me draw more connections.

I have in the past attempted to dabble in writing, and maybe I need to do more of it. I haven't necessarily lost touch with myself, but I often ignore my inner voice. I like to self-censor a lot. Not just because of what other people might think, but sometimes being honest with myself isn't the easiest thing to do. But, maybe it is more about what others think. Can you really hide your own feelings from yourself?

Yeah, So, My kitty Cos is running around with a fake mouse in his mouth MEOWING quite proudly. He is definitely NOT self-censoring.
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[27 Apr 2009|09:05am]
Gerald and I have been doing some spring cleaning. It feels soooo nice to purge crap that we don't need. We have gone though boxes of shit that have been sitting in our garage since we moved into our house 4 years ago! We have also gotten rid of 5 garbage bags of clothing. Still need to get rid of way more clothes, it's kind of pointless to keep holding on to some of this stuff just in case I decide to wear them... In reality I wear the same 5 things anyhow!

We have also planted a little garden, with more planting to come! Pansies, Lillies, and weird little shrubs... It's looking so much nicer out there than the dirt. Woo! We still have Dutch wind flowers, and some other oriental looking flowers whose name escapes me now. We also need to get the trees cleared around the perimeter of our house... SO much more stuff, luckily I'm on the ball, and we still have plenty of spring to do this stuff...

I am loving the nice weather, and all this physical work is making me feel so much healthier. I think gardening is going to be my new exercise. It's so much more gratifying than working out for 30 minutes to Gilad ;)
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[05 Nov 2008|12:04pm]
OBAMA WON! This is the first year I did not vote for an independent candidate. Sorry green party, sorry socialists, sorry Nader. Just couldn't do it. I promise to vote independent next time around though ;)

Anyhow, I have restored my faith in this country, along with the world.

It's a good day.

Now it's time to go ride my bike to work! Such a beautiful day!!!!!
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BAD BAD week [30 Oct 2008|09:46am]
I have had one of my worst weeks. This year was a doozy. Anyhow, I got into my first real car accident ever on Monday. I was turning into Getty gas station on Tonawanda St and got hit by an uninsured car. I was in the Van. I am fine thank god, and so are the other people. They smooshed up the passenger door and messed up the middle passenger door. Freaking blows.

We got the police report yesterday and the people who hit me live literally behind us on Glor St. Yay for me!
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[20 Oct 2008|11:29pm]

This is the newest member of our family. I think her name is Cici Deville.
I found her behind our house with help from the neighbor 5 days ago. She is a sweetheart. :)
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[15 Sep 2008|09:19am]
Dear little helpless kitty i found:

I am currently struggling with the fact that I sent you to the spca. I promise to never do that again. My conscience cannot handle knowing what I did and didn't do..

You were so little and helpless, and like your mother, I left you. you were never given a chance. I am sorry you were so sick. I am so sorry that momentarily I felt I couldn't risk getting our diabetic cat sick too. I wish I tried to keep you alive myself. I hope kitty heaven is treating you well.

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[29 Apr 2008|11:01am]
What is wrong with humanity?

Yesterday, after a painful day of work, i got out at 5:30, and Gerald and I went to the eye doctor. I went there specifically to get new contacts (as I had managed to stretch a 6 month supply out for 2 years.) I went in, got my eyes looked at, and afterwards I was told I had to see another Doctor for contacts, and had to come back thursday.

I have been wearing contacts for like 14 years or something, and have never had to pay for another visit just to get contacts. I mean come on, the dude is a friggin DOCTOR. He isn't intelligent enough to get me some contacts? What a scam.

I have no choice now, and will pay them more money to write me a prescription for contacts.

Anyhow, that isn't really the problem with humanity. Well sort of cause I always feel like I am getting ripped off.

So, we leave the appointment, and pull into our driveway. I notice there are 2 people hovering over something in the street in front of our neighbor's house. When I got out of the car, I see it's a beagle just laying there, and I run over to them. The dog's eyes were glazed over, blood was coming from his mouth, and he wasn't breathing. The guy and girl that were there were just driving by and saw the dog and pulled over to see if they could help him.

Gerald ran into the house to grab a phonebook to see who we could call (at this point we were all pretty clueless if there was any life in this dog) The girl was calling places on her cell phone, and this little girl and boy come out and tell us that it was there dog, with almost no emotion to them. I asked where her parents were, and she said inside (they live in the house across from us.) She got a man, who is prob younger than me, and just stares at the dog in the middle of the street with no emotion at all, almost like he didn't care. The younger boy picked up the dog and brought it to the sidewalk. ANOTHER lady was driving by and stopped to help and made some calls. Meanwhile, the actual owners didn't seem to do anything, NOTHING.

Was sooo bizzare. Complete strangers cared more about the dog than the people who A) hit it and B) Owned it!

So, yeah. Yesterday i got ripped off, and saw a dead dog.

I am now writing a country song.
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[01 Apr 2008|09:28am]
Today's word of the day is jollification. I could use some of that.
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[30 Mar 2008|12:29pm]
So, TriMaNiA is over. Thanks Eva and Derek for coming out :)

It was a lot of fun, with the exception of getting the worse sounding room.. But, that is our luck. I am grateful for having gotten to be a part of something that is different here in Buffalo though!!

I didn't really get to see one band in it's entirety, as there were too many things going on at the same time that I wanted to check out. But, that was the fun of the whole event. A good thing for people with ADD for surezzz.

After we were done playing, we were wandering around the bulding, and this man said he really liked our band, and was from Chicago. We gave him and a lady friend of his a CD and they asked us to autograph it. Was kinda funny. :) They seemed impressed though, and we talked about how we had played The Beat Kitchen, and Ronnie's in Chicago.

When I returned home, I saw my phone on the table, and it said I had a text message. It was my friend Julian who is from Chicago, and said he was watching a band Needle Up from Buffalo play there, and wanted to say hi. It's a small world.
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[25 Mar 2008|10:57am]
I repine over the fact that winter just won't fully go away. I am so ready for summer!

OK. I need to go book this tour for July. It appears it has fallen on my shoulders this time around.

So far I have gotten us a show in Burlington @ 242 Main and one in New Bedford, Mass. Another dude responded from CT, But we need to work out locals etc. So, I should go find us some now.
Anyone know any bands in CT? :)
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[19 Mar 2008|10:51am]
It's amazing how the weather can transmute my mood from happy to sad in a matter of moments.

Today is excruciating grey. But, it is the first real sign of spring as it will be in the 50's.

I still want to see the sun though :(

On a side note, I became a member of indiefucks for a whole day. It was god awful. It also made me realize how much more mature I have become. Not that I am super mature.. I mean obviously not if I even thought I could enjoy a community called indiefucks.

WOW. Sorry, indiefucks, you are not my friend.
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[16 Mar 2008|01:15pm]
I am chagrined to find this new lj layout sucks. I am going to change that.

I am hungry. Gerald is making me blueberry wheat pancakes :9 I SOOOOOOOO CANNOT WAIT. :)
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[14 Mar 2008|09:31am]
SOOOO. Gerald kept "reminding" me that my Doctor's appt. was Friday 3/14 @ 9:30am. However, luckily I called this am before I went. Cause it's for Monday @ 10:30am. :P I am tired, running off of like 5 hours of sleep, and am already to go! I should be exercising. But, I put makeup on already. OH WHAT TO DO.
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Thanks to Buffalo DOrks :) [12 Mar 2008|11:56am]
What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Midland

"You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.

The Inland North
The South
The Northeast
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz
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So, yeah, I feel like writing. [11 Mar 2008|11:27am]
So, the past few days have been interesting... We finally got SNOW. Like real snow, and it's almost the second week of March. Gerald and I went for a walk to Wegman's on Saturday during the "worst" of the storm.... Every block there was a car stuck in the snow.. Us being good samaritans, helped push 4 people cars. But, couldn't help the 4th dude. He was really stuck. 3 out of 4 ain't so bad.. When will I ever try to help 4 people push their cars out of the snow again?

Also, this whole Spitzer prostitution ring thing is sheer craziness. What a fucking hypocrite. Makes me so sad. I thought they were going to swear Patterson in as Governor last night, but I guess Spitzer hasn't stepped aside yet. Why, I do not know.. Who is ever going to trust him. But, I decided to look up this Lt. Gov. Patterson guy. He is from Harlem. His father was the first non-white secretary of state, and Patterson himself was the first Non-white Lt. Gov of NY... and if he becomes the Gov, he will be NY's first non-white Governor! and the 4th non-white Governor in the whole country ever. PLUS the dude is BLIND! So, many firsts with this guy :)

On the band note. I had a lot of fun yesterday at band practice. Gerald and I had been trying to figure out how to use this one riff we have been messing with.. We finally worked it out this past weekend and jammed it out with Blake. It turned out awesome almost from the get go, and felt great playing it. Tentatively it is called Snake Charmer (PT I and II?) I can't wait to play it more, and also churn out some more jams!!!!! OWWWWW!
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[17 Feb 2008|01:41pm]
So, what's new?

Umm.. I got a hair cut! it's only been like 2 years.. It almost looks like my old hair, but not soo poofy... having long thick wavy hair can be annoying... But, i think I actually like my hair! I also dyed it, but, the same color... Just no ugly roots..

Also, posted a new video for our song Bomb Parts.. It's mainly just live footage taken from a few shows other peeps taped, along with some footage from tours, recording, and my 2 nephews..

Bomb Parts Video on YouTube

I am itching to jam out right now.. been listening to my old shoegaze favs today, in which I haven't listened to in a long time:

Ride's "Nowhere" A great album for an overcast day like today

Ride's "Going Blank Again"

The Pale Saint's "In Ribbons"

I am trying to find my "Smile" CD by Ride... I can't find it, and I'm itching for it although it's probably their most depressing....

OK.. when Gerald gets home from finishing recording the Stay Lows, I am going to force him to either learn Ride's Vapour Trails or another one of their songs off of Going Blank Again.. Just for shits and giggles.

Time to be creative....

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[29 Jan 2008|03:32pm]
I haven't smoked a cigarette in 40 hours. Mainly because I have been soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
freaking sick. I haven't been this sick in sooooooooooooooooooooooooo
long. I like eating, and I am not down with hanging my head over the toilet.

I can eat now though, and can sit up without wanting to cry, which is GREAT. Still a bit achy and lots of nose blowing... and every time I cough, it hurts my muscles....

OK. I am going to lay down now.
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[04 Oct 2007|06:45pm]
Sometimes, I have moments where I find myself to be awfully lame.

I am watching angels and airwaves right now on Fuse.....

I think that's the name of Tom Delonge's new band anyhow...

Tom Delonge has definitly been taking vocal lessons. Cause he's actually kind of singing..

Ok.. Maybe I spoke too soon.

.p.s. tour is in 8 days... Texas.. HERE WE COME.

p.p.s I am going to miss my kitties :(
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Mohawk Place Show Tonight [22 Sep 2007|04:27pm]
Tonight, Oh My God (Chicago, MTV's Band on the Run 2) were to take stage at the Mohawk Place... It is unfortunate to say, Oh My God were injured in a van crash, and will not be playing tonight. Our thoughts are going out to them.

La Cacahouette, and The Stay Lows will still be playing, along with Victory Light Black Honey (Vic of Knife Crazy and the talented Pam Swarts) . All for only 5 bucks, doors @ 9.

We are hoping to still get some cats out tonight... So, come on down to the Mohawk Place, and have a few drinks for the Oh My God dudes... They would have wanted it that way. :)

BTW: The only article I know of about the crash can be found at Minnesota Public Radio
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